My evil plan is nearing fruition. Phase One is complete. The evil lair has been remodeled to look like an inconspicuous theme park, boardwalk, and amusement center. None of my enemies suspect that behind the racks of cotton candy and assorted prizes are the secret entrances to my underground network of tunnels and fortifications. While people unwittingly amuse themselves at reasonably priced rates with the latest thrill rides, they will never expect what doom I am concocting underneath their tired feet. Note to self, offer free pedicures to the patrons so that their feet won’t be as tired at the end of the day. I’m evil, but not insensitive.
Phase Two: Revenge of the Phase has also gone by without any hindrance. I have wisely invested my minions’ money in healthy index funds and diversified stock portfolios. Their health insurance is high quality, and they also have dental and vision plans. No other tyrant can compete with my company savings plan, ensuring my minions remain loyal to me. If only I can get them to use the suggestion box, I think things would be going perfectly. Second note to self, remember to use recycled paper on the suggestion box forms.
The Third Phase: This Time It’s Personal has also been completed. I have installed a fiendishly clever surveillance device in a Ferris wheel overlooking the compound. It took a little longer than expected to complete because my contractors tried slipping substandard parts past me. The fools didn’t know who they were dealing with! My legal assassins sued their pants off. Third note to self, see about donating all those pants to charity. It might come in handy if I’m ever caught.
Oh, Diary, it’s so lonely being the evil tyrant over a clandestine organization bent on pure villainy. At least I get to walk around the lair for free. In fact, I think some cotton candy will cheer me right up.
Tyrant Snuffles K. Fluffybuttons
P.S. I need to come up with a menacing name for my fourth phase. Right now I’ve got several titles, with “Four-get what you have learned!” as the leading one. However, I don’t think puns really fit into my evil idiom or the brand of the organization.
Author’s Note: This story was inspired by the photograph at the top (originally posted here) by Aperture Alice. Click the link to go to her blog for some awesome photos and short fiction!